SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Witches and Yoga Pants, your cozy corner of the cosmos, where modern magic meets everyday life. We're here to explore magic, mindfulness, and personal growth with a grounded no-fluff vibe. Whether you're into moon rituals, tarot spreads, or just trying to survive Mercury retrograde, you're in the right place. So get ready to disrupt some old patterns, explore what it means to reclaim your power and remember who you really are. So pull up your yoga mat, light a candle, and let's get into it. Hello and welcome back. Today I'm joined by my friend Shayla. Shayla is a spiritual coach and teacher, and I am so glad to have you back today. I'm so happy to be here with you. We're here. We tried to do this, what, like two weeks ago, and it just we ended up we're like, let's just go to lunch, and we did. That was so fun. That was good. It was fun to be out in the world together.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

It was really sunny that day too. Oh, it was really sunny. Yeah. It was so pretty out. So it was nice to be out in the world. It's nice to have the sun back. It is. It is. Even though today I woke up and I was like, I'm gonna put the blanket over my head and pretend the sun is not out so I could be slow.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

There's nothing wrong with that. There are some days I do that too. It's like, wait, it's kind of getting bright kind of early. Yeah. It's good, it's good to be able to make it dark when you want to make it dark.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Totally. Totally. It's like my excuse to work slow is oh, it's cloudy out. I can be slow. Yeah. But there's something in my brain that's like, oh, it's sunny. Get up and seize the day.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

And I'm like, no, not today. It's and it's sunny today, so it's I know just tuning into your own inner rhythm is what you need to do. Totally. Not influenced by the outside. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I mean, amen.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Yeah. Are you enjoying spring so far though?

SPEAKER_00 1:56

I am. It's been um, I do feel it's been like a coming out season so far. Totally. Even though I'm moving a little slower than I normally do, um, it doesn't feel bad or wrong. It's more of like, oh, I get to determine my own season of blooming. Yes. And I'm barely coming out of the dirt. Okay. Yeah. You know, I'm somewhere in between the tulips and the peonies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Somewhere in between there. Yeah. Well, I think there's a lot of pressure, you know. Spring's here, it's fire horse energy. You need to move quickly. But not everybody's moving at the same pace.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

And I I weave in and out of that. Some days I feel like I have a ton of energy and I want to move fast. And some days I want to move slow.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

And I think it's okay to do that.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

I do too. Yeah. I think it's important to listen to your own, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Your own pace. Yeah. Definitely. Well, so you brought up a topic that I think is um a really important one. It's a good one. Um and it's just how women have a relationship with each other.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Yeah. It's I feel that in a lot of ways from really young age, we get conditioned. Either it be by our own mothers or our peers or um or honestly, society and competition gets really stimulated and judgment gets really stimulated. And it can make it really tricky to sustain relationships with women. And I have found that uh in recent years I've been really lucky to like have relationships with women that have felt very safe um and filled with like opportunity and like love. They're not perfect, right? But it's felt a lot different than when I was younger. And you know, teaching about this, I teach women about this all the time. Um but you know, judgment is this doorway that when we're judging another woman, a lot of times we're judging something we either don't have access to or have been limited on right or programmed to believe is wrong. Mm-hmm. But you know, it's that saying one finger pointing out, three pointing back at you.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

It's actually an absence of something that someone else is getting to have that you don't get to have. Right. And you're not conscious that you might desire that thing. Right. An example I'll give you is like I'm a plus size babe. I'm feel sexy in my body, and I love to wear crop tops. And I had a friend in the past that was like, oh, that's what you're gonna wear. And I was like, yep, babe. And she's way thinner than me and and gorgeous, gorgeous lady. Right. Um but judging you, but uh judging because she herself couldn't show cellulite, like she couldn't even wear pants that were too tight that showed any kind of cellulite. And listen, I'm not judging her for judging, right? Because she has some kind of perfectionism that she wants to show up in, and that's okay. Whatever makes her comfortable is her answer. But the thing she was judging me on wasn't necessarily that I was showing my midriff and showing my belly button. It was that she couldn't actually do that for herself.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Exactly, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Exactly. So instead of me getting pissed at her and being like, girl, why are you judging me? I was like, Wow, I have some grace for you. Right. And we don't have to talk about it. I don't have to heal you, I don't even have to acknowledge in it, but the judgment slides right off of me.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

That's good, right? Because a lot of people would take that and then feel self-conscious a hundred percent, right? And think, oh, I shouldn't wear this totally, totally. And you know, we were talking about this. Um judgment is a sense in human design and that a lot of people carry. And I've been noticing lately that it's been coming up a lot with different clients in different situations or different things that we're working on. It will it will come back to that judgment, whether they're judging themselves or they're judging a situation or they're judging other people. It's meant to be there, right? They have the judgment in their chart for a reason. It's it's to compare and contrast, to analyze. But it's like when that becomes hurtful or not helpful, that's when it's a problem, right? And so that situation that you were just talking about, if the person, like you do not have the judgment aspect in your chart. I just checked before we sat down. And so you're able to be like, girl, I see what I see what's going on. I'm gonna just let that go and I'm wearing my crop top and I'm all good. Some people who probably have maybe potentially have that judgment aspect will then start judging themselves because that other person judged them. They're not recognizing that it's a mirror of sorts, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

And so that's so huge to be able to notice.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, it's revolutionary, I feel, because it changes how you show up in relationship to other women. Totally. I'll give you another example. Yesterday we went to a concert, my husband and I, and we're kind of circling, you know, trying to find parking. And our first circle around, there's this couple that crosses the street in front of us, and it was this man and woman, and the woman was wearing these black tights with a mini, like a mini dress, uh four screen mini dress. And I was like, and to my husband, like, girl, like talking to him, but talking to really to her, yeah, not out of the window. Or anything. I was like, girl, get it. I was like, girl, get it. Yes, it's spring. You're like her best cheerleader, like right, but that's also judgment, right? And so it's not that it's bad judgment, right? But it's judgment, and I'm cheering her on because I own the same outfit at home, right? And I'm all about that outfit. So I'm like, yes, cheerleader, right? There is this aspect also of like when we're in judgment and it's like, let's say, you know, quotations here, positive judgment. Okay, yeah. That is also because there is a part of you that accesses that in you uh and doesn't see it like, oh, she I saw that woman. I was like, oh, that's a woman of strength. Yeah, you go without knowing anything of her. Yeah, regardless of why she's in that. And she may have all kinds of pictures of why she's in that first state or whatever, it doesn't matter. But I'm like, oh, she has power, she's in her power.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

So you're right, it is judgment in a sense. It is because I mean, like we were talking about the female relationships where you can be supportive of each other is more ideal than being in competition, right? Totally. But being supportive, I guess, in a way, uh is judging because you're seeing something that you can recognize. So, how do we get past that? If you're in a relationship that uh you find yourself feeling like in competition, how would you teach that in your class? Like how would you teach overcoming that?

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Yeah, I would say a simple way of looking at it in competition is what are you competing for, right? So here here's another example of competition. Here's an example of competition that I've handled. Um this is not someone that's in my life anymore, but this woman that I was really close to at a time um has this beautiful thick hair, like beautiful thick hair, and I loved it. And I've never had thick hair, my hair's always been very fine. That's not me judging, it's just like a fact it's my lineage for my mom is very fine hair. Um, but I've always been into braiding my hair, like two braids, right? And that would be how I sleep with my hair. Sometimes if I don't want to do something crazy with my hair, I feel pretty with my two braids. When me and this woman became close, she used to do all kinds of fancy braids because she can do French braids. She could do all like her hair's very thick, so she could do all these cool things. And I was like, wow, those are so pretty. Those braids look really great. And she goes, Yeah, you know, I noticed that you wear braids, but like I don't think like you have enough hair to do braids. Oh, and and and I'm in my 30s, and I was like, Oh no, she didn't.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Clearly, my hair is braided, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Oh no, she didn't. I was pissed, and then I went in, I got self-conscious, and I was like, wait, oh, she's competing with me, and she's not competing about hair, she's competing that I feel confident no matter what my hair looks like, right? And I have enough willpower in me to still feel confident with my hair like that. But her pointing out that it's fine and it doesn't look good is a tender spot for me because she knows my I'm tender around my hair, so the competition hit in one of the spaces in me that's really vulnerable. Right? Wow, yeah. And knowing that or not knowing that she was doing it intentionally or not, that's a form of competing. I was pissed and I didn't wear braids for almost a year after that.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Because you became self-conscious of it, totally, even though I already had all this information, even though I knew how to clear competition, and even though I knew right then and there I knew she was competing, I could not clear it, right? And that's okay. I did clear it, I wear braids all the time now. I don't care, right? But for a while you were caught up in it, I was totally caught in it, and then I got caught in competing, and then I had to ask myself, what am I actually competing for? Right. She doesn't actually have anything that I want. And if it's something we're competing for, like I think in in that case, she was in relationship to someone in my family, and I think she thought I had to compete for that per my family members' attention. And I was like, oh, surprise, hands up, don't need their attention. They're my family, they're gonna be my family till I die. So have fun with that, ma'am. Right. And as soon as I stepped out of competition, we have no relationship.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

She's like, oh, you don't want to compete, then you're not worth my time. Moving on to the next person I can compete with.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

And that's just how she shows up. I'm not making her wrong. I'm just like, wow, what a fun lesson. Wasn't fun at the time. No, but now I can look back and be like, wow, some women only feel valuable when they're competing with someone and they can win. My question is, what are you competing for? What are you competing for? And there's enough for everyone to have, but also sometimes competition is good. You grow. I grew so much from that relationship.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Yeah, no, definitely. Right. Competition can be good. Right. It can be good. But not, I don't feel like in female friendship, it doesn't really have a good solid place, you know. Um and there are, I mean, I've met people who could only seem to be friends with someone who they saw as lower than them in some way.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

And and if they came across people who were maybe on the same level or even higher, they couldn't do that. Like I've seen I've seen that quite a bit.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

In people.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

That's so tricky.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

So tricky.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

Because then you're always comparing yourself.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Totally.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Right. And it never allows you to really show up as you are. Yeah, I was I had lunch with a friend um a couple weeks ago, and he was saying how my friendships have really changed and some are falling behind. And and it that's not a bad thing. It's just I am I have no time for small talk. Oh. Right? I'm like, let's go to the nitty-gritty. Let's where are you? It's okay to show up, not okay. I'm showing up, okay, not okay, where and anything in between, but I don't have I don't want to talk about the weather.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Nope.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I don't wanna I mean it's nice out.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

You can say the sun's out, it feels good, but it's like and let's move on. I could do a whole episode about how for some reason small talk makes me want to peel my face off. Like it's like it is so bad for me. Like people at Trader Joe's or Dutch Brother, you go through and they're like, What are you doing next? How what anything fun planned this weekend? It's like, oh no, don't don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. And it's so here's people. God help the person that asked me that because I would be so honest. They're like, I'm actually doing a psychic event this week and I'm gonna be reading trauma for five hours on helping people clear through that. You want to come? You know, like my Starbucks by my house, they already know me. They're like, hey, we're not gonna ask her any questions or anything. You look great today, Shayla. Yeah, keep it moving who you are.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Keep it moving.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Please don't look at me.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Oh my gosh. Yeah, no, small talk is rough.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

It's hard. I understand. I mean, I have a sales background and human, human uh resources background, so I get it. Uh, I just don't have to be in that in friendship anymore. I want to show up where I'm at, and I want people to feel safe enough to show up where they're at without the demand of having to heal one another. Right. Because there are some friends that show up and they're like, I'm broken. I mean, and listen, I still have people that only call me when shit hits the fan.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Wow. Okay, yeah. Like we've actually talked about that before of like friends needing you to heal them.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

And then and then they don't call any other time. And then they get upset. You're not following up with what's happening in their life when they never once have asked, How are you? Right. What are you working through? Not that I actually need them to.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Right. But but it's like for that to be the sole purpose of your friendship for them is to what can what can you do for me?

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

How can you help me heal? Right. And then it's not your job to heal them.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

And then let me go make let me feel better after talking to you and then never call you again. And which is, you know what? Okay, that's fine. But I'm okay with those friendships kind of being what they are, when they are, whatever they are. Yeah. I'm not really feeding them. Right. Because I'm not being fed in those relationships. You're not being fed.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah. So back to the relationships or competition. So you you were saying that I mean, obviously it's a mirror of some sort of their they're seeing something that they can't obtain or that they maybe wish they could, maybe even jealous of. Would you say? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah. But the so that same jealousy or envy is because there's an absence of you accessing that, right? Uh an example I'll give you is I had a friend growing up that was very um beautiful. And she's the first friend I had, the first kiss, the first makeout, the first boyfriend, the first, all the first. She was the one. And I remember boys trying to be my friend so they can get close to her. Oh, geez. Right. Okay. Yep. And I remember I was very shy when it came to like boys in that way, like kissing or any. I just I was a very late bloomer, very late bloomer. But I remember as a kid looking at her and being like, why does everyone want her? She's kind of a jerk sometimes. And she's messy, and she's really messy, and her voice is kind of annoying.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Like, I feel like I so much don't see the draw.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

I'm so much nicer. Like, she's beautiful, she's skinny, right? I'm a fool, I was 5'7 in third grade. Okay, so I was awkward, I was an awkward shape, um, fully developed. Like, I'm still 5'7, by the way. So I have not grown since third grade and wow. Yeah, I've been the same height. That's very tall. Very tall for that young. So obviously, I was like looking at her like everybody likes her because she's like normal, she's like pretty, and I'm not, I'm not, right? So that comparison, but now I see it and I look at it, it's like, oh, like I really was uncomfortable being seen. And what I had a problem with her wasn't that she was like pretty and had all the first times, it's that she wasn't uncomfortable being seen. In fact, she was like, put me on a pedestal, baby. Right. I'm here to be noticed by everyone.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Well, in some ways, she probably had to be that way, I would guess, it feels like.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Perhaps, but my mom was not that way. And so my mom was like, you make yourself as small as possible. Oh, and you don't leave a track. And you don't leave a trace that you've been there. You clean up after yourself, you make yourself really small, you're not allowed to take up space, right? Right. It's dangerous for a girl to do that.

unknown 18:57

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah. But that was the conditioning. So me judging my friend for all these oh, you get to have a first brother. All this attention, yeah. And all this attention was really an absence of me being able to step onto a pedestal or me being able to be seen. Yeah. Had nothing to do with her and everything to do with my fear of like, I can't do that. That's not right. That's not appropriate. At least that's what I used to think when I was a kid, right? Now as an adult, I'm like, oh, there are moments I want to be seen. And I'm like, bam. On my way here, actually. This is funny. I was at a stop, a stoplight, and you know, you can turn on red, and there was a man waiting across the street. I was like, oh, oh, it doesn't say walk, so I can make a turn. And then he looked at me and I and I looked at him. We made eye contact. There's no one else in the street, and then I'm like, are you like I'm like looking, are you gonna cross the street because there's no cars coming? You could potentially cross the street. And he was just like, you know, give me the hand signal, like, go ahead. And then I turned, I was like, Oh, that guy is totally checking me out. Oh my god, I still got it, you know, and I was like, Oh, he wasn't actually watching to see if I was gonna turn. He was checking checking and he's like smiling at me. I was like, Why is he smiling at me? And then it took because I'm still in my head, have some residue energy of like, oh, no one looks at you like that, which is a lie, right? It was a hard lie. And then I was like, Oh, that was funny. I totally got checked out, and then I was thinking about my friend. I was like, that friend I had in grammar school, like, oh man, she's lived her life like this, right? Her whole life like that. And I was like, now when I get little like that, as an as a 45-year-old woman, when that happens, I call my husband and say, I still got it, baby. Yeah, guess what? Somebody's just looking at me, and he's like, Okay, whatever. You know, he's still over it. But but to me, I'm like, oh, this is so new, still. That's funny. I'll take it, you know? Yeah. So you notice when that happens. Sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Sometimes. Other times you're probably oblivious to it.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Totally oblivious to it.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

See, and your friend back in grade school, that probably became part of her identity or her whole identity, potentially, to where if she didn't get that, it was probably devastating.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Well, she left people out in the out for cold. So if I wasn't giving her all of my attention and even myself, right? Right. We're not friends, we're not really friends anymore. And and she's married with children. Um, but she craves that and she's not getting that that way anymore. So now there's a codependency on like who's gonna feed me because her own energy was, oh, I don't know how to feed myself. Right. I'm being fed externally all the time, but she was born into a family that that's how and that's how most of society's external validation, right? Totally. You just are programmed to be constantly validated, and that's the only where I learned through the practice I have is to have my own validation. Trust myself in a way that I'm like, oh no, you got this. Like you lean in more, right? My own truth, regardless of what society, my partner, or anyone says, like, I have permission to have my own answer, where she's like, somebody tell me. Right. And I'm not saying she's wrong because that's most of humanity.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

That's a shadow aspect of the will center. And if people's will centers in the I'm talking about human design here, if their will centers are open, the shadow aspect of that can be people pleasing. It can be needing that external validation. And especially if there's conditioning coupled with it, it can be a pattern that people really, really, really get stuck in. And it's kind of hard to get out of it sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

Totally. It has to be so intentional to want to work that in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Yeah. That's one of the things I work on with clients. So it is an intentional thing to have to work on. And noticing it is the first step, really. Being able to start noticing where you're kind of given that power up. You're kind of like, I need you to tell me I'm okay. I need you to tell me what to do. We were talking about this earlier too. Right. Of like people handing over their what how did you put it?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Oh, there's their crown. They're seven chakra. Like, oh, you know more than me. Here, take you can be in charge of everything. And listen, there are people in the world that they rather have someone else lead them. And I think that's okay. But what happens if you like you can there's enough space for everyone to have their own answer, have their own seven chakra, right? Your seven chakra is your connection to your knowing, to your higher self. Right. If you're giving that away to someone else, then you're saying someone else's answer is better than yours. And listen, it might be sometimes it is, sometimes it is. But like most of the time, your own answer is actually going to be the most powerful.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I was gonna say, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

And it might be radically different.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

We all have all that we need inside of us already. It's just a matter of being able to tap into it. Totally. And and trust it. Totally. You know, trusting intuition is a a big topic. Um, that that I've you know that I run across people needing help with, working on, yeah, trying to do. And it can be, you know, overcoming conditioning, overcoming that if you've got that open will, or sometimes just a conditioned defined will, but stuck in that pattern of needing someone else to tell you you're okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

Right. You know, it's tough. It's a hard, a hard growth moment of growth. Yeah. To start leaning into trusting that you you yourself can make yourself okay. Yeah. And and you might need tools for that. Oh, absolutely. Of course. You might need help, like you might need uh a psychiatrist, you might need a healer of some kind.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Um I don't think it's bad, but I think leaning with curiosity into those and looking at help as being tools versus your savior. Right. Is a really different way of taking on the path of healing and getting real with yourself.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Right. Right. And learning to use the tools that you have and when to use them.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

I come across a lot of people who are heal are healers of some sort themselves or who have been on a healing journey for a long time. And all of we all need reminders. It's like, wait, yes, I really know what to I know what to tell my clients to do. And then sometimes I'm like, oh shit, I need, I actually need to do that too. You know, it's like we need reminders to use our tools that we have. Totally. I I meet a lot of healers that are can and do heal and help and teach and guide others, but they're just leaving themselves empty and they're not taking any of it for themselves.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Absolutely. So it's funny. I I can tell you I agree with that so much. And that's uh a lot of my students and and um clients are already in some form of a practitioner, either it be a therapist or human design or any anything, Reiki or whatever. Totally. And a common thread is the absence of them refilling in, yeah, reconnecting with their own energy because there's so much output to hold space and heal someone else. Totally. There's that like, oh, I need then they come see someone like me. Like, because of you know, I know COVID was really hard for a lot of people, totally, but because COVID made so many people take their mask off, therapists were bombarded, which is amazing for therapy, right? But then the therapists literally like 30% of my clients are therapists. I have I have therapist clients as well because they got bombarded and they're like, oh no, yeah, well, I need tools for myself because I can't handle all of this happening, and so it was amazing for me to like hold space for people that hold space. No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

Yeah, I I I have a lot of clients like that as well. And I think it's so important to, as a practitioner, to be able to receive too. I've met people who come to see me, they're like checking me out to see like, am I gonna refer per am I gonna refer to her, or maybe I have somebody in mind that maybe, you know, and they'll they'll be like, oh, I'm fine. I don't have anything to do. I don't have anything to work on. And that is such a huge red flag for me when I don't care how long you've been doing what you do, you sit down in front of me and say, Oh no, I'm completely healed and I don't have anything that I I don't have any conditioning or any burdens that I'm carrying or any trauma or anything like that. I'm fine. I'm I'm like, uh-huh. Then you would die.

unknown 27:43

I'm like, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Well, you might as well die then. You're probably done, right? You're done. But then they really they can it comes through. They might say that, but then later it they're like, actually, I have this. It's like, okay, let's work on that.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

But I think it's easy to get caught up in that. I'm a healer, so I have to be perfect. I have to always be in that energy, and I can't, I can't need to, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:07

Like that's a how dare you be human, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:10

How dare you be human? No, but that's a that's a thing. That's a thing that I see. And I have to even recognize it within myself, too, of like being mindful of like, okay, I am gonna, I'm gonna go to sound baths and I'm gonna receive that healing. I'm gonna do these things that I want to do because I need to fill myself up too.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

As a as a projector orchestrator in human design, rest does that a lot for me. Like I just need to recoup and rest. But I also remember, I need to remember to just pour in.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Right. You know? Yeah, absolutely. Same. I I actually seek out different modalities of healing. Um, and it's funny, I I actually have a chiropractor that I I've gone to, I haven't gone to her in a while. Um, I probably need a book now that I'm bringing her up. So, but I've gone to her and she does this like muscle testing. I don't know the proper name of it, but um, the healing is quite profound. And I I like, but the reason it's so profound for me and it works for me is I specifically ask, um, I don't want to know how you're doing it. Don't tell me, just do it. Just do it because I'm I can't help myself. I'll look at the energy and read it and I'll hack it my way, which defeats the whole purpose of just showing up and receiving. So I have to preface a practitioner. I think I may have told you, like, just don't tell me how you do it. I just just do the thing. Yeah, tell me what you need for me, and I'll I'll give it a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

I think when we did, when we we traded, which so that we knew each other did, and I think that you should you did say that.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

You're like, don't tell me what you're doing, just just do it, just go for it because I'll try and ret hack it because I'm I'm conditioned to be in charge since I was really young. It's a programming that I'm every day catching myself, you know. Nope, that's not something you have to be in charge of. Let that go. Right. And it's so tricky for me to I can go into a relationship with a new person and they'll be starting a business and talk to me about it, and I'll be like, oh, and it's like telling them all the things. And I'm like, wait, I don't have to be in charge, it's not my responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

And their process may look different than yours to it or yours. Yeah, right. But knowing, see, you knew when when and where to share your knowledge because that's a whole projector's authority is to be able to wait for people, wait for invitation, right? So that when you noticed you're sharing, you're trying to tell your friend how to run their business when they didn't ask you and it wasn't a paid session, and they hadn't come to you and said, Guide me, you know, then it's not an alignment. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

So the funny thing, so all of that happened before I, you know, started psychic school. And then I started psychic school and I quit.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

You were psychic before you started psychic school. Totally. You were totally, you totally was. But you didn't you weren't um riding that bus, I guess. You weren't like in tune with it. You just I mean you were, right? You weren't.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Yeah, I was doing it, but not conscious of doing it. And doing it for it. Yeah, and doing it for others and not myself. Yeah, yeah. Which that was the loop. I was like, whoa, wait, what? I can what? I can do this for myself to create my own life. Wait, huh? I can draw in the love of my life. Oh, okay. I can I can create like experiences that I want to have. Oh, whoa. Okay, I've been doing this for other people my whole life. What the hell?

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Well, and that ties back to being able to receive rather than only give all the time. Too. Um, another aspect of that too can fall into like imposter syndrome, right? So being able to be a healer or be a spiritual teacher and thinking you have to be at this certain level if you need something, you can't possibly help someone else, right? Thinking that if you are not at a certain level all the time, that you can't help others, right? And just feeling like an imposter if you are still healing yourself.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

And that's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Yeah. And I I and I think what how do I say this? I feel that when you're doing this line of work in any kind of modality of healing, thinking that there's nothing for you to work on while you're working on other people, listen, there's sometimes that are gonna that's gonna be a higher spike in your life than others, you're always working on yourself. Always. You're always consciously or unconsciously, you have you are working on yourself. But if you're doing this line of work of working with people to heal in any modality, you have to have some kind of work that you're doing on yourself. And it could be micro and it, but it has to be conscious, it has to be conscious, definitely. And then and then there's shit happening unconsciously too that you're working on and then all of a sudden it drops like a bomb and you wake up, you're like, oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Right. But for sure. But I think that's integrity. If you're not working on yourself and you then like you become stagnant, your business will eventually become stagnant. Right. You only attract people that are stagnant if you attract anyone at all. Right. Like you how you show up for yourself is a mirror in how your clients show up.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Absolutely. I have phases of like I'll have a whole slew of clients kind of showing up differently, but like with the same energy. Right. And and look, they come in waves. Like I had for a little while there, I think I had, I want to say four or five clients who were all older women in their 70s who had been spiritual teachers for years and years and years, all of a sudden are coming to me, and I'm like, what is this? Why is why why are these all that and they all had stuff to work on? And I think I think it is a reminder that no matter where you are on your path, you've been through stuff that you could help somebody who hasn't been there yet.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Right? And just remembering that. But yeah, it with clients, it they they show up all the time showing me things that I need to remember or that I need to pay attention to in myself, right? That maybe that stuff that I'm working on too, right? It's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

But like drawing in all those spiritual teachers, right? That have had decades or lifetimes of experience. Right. Like where in your life are you a spiritual teacher? Right. Right? Is it just like in the mirror? Is it in your family group? Is it in your community? Is it through this podcast? Like you're teaching all the time how cool to draw in.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

It was, it was that, you know, it was crazy. It was, and I I sat there for a second when I realized it, I was piecing it together and I'm like, oh my gosh, these women are all like have been like well known, a couple of them, spiritual teachers. And I'm just like, why are they coming to me? What do I have for them? For a second, I caught myself thinking that. And I've been doing what I do for a long time, and I've changed a lot of people's lives, and I know that I'm good at what I do. But it's like I caught myself going, what can I possibly give them? They're like so much higher than me, right? Is how it felt for a second. And then I went, nope, they're here. And it's like I helped them through what I helped them. They all were like people who came to me to work through something and then they went. Like it's like they're not like people that I see every week for years. They all came for something and then went moved on. But it was, it was really interesting. It was interesting to witness that within myself of like, oh wait, I'm intimidated almost. Right. All of a sudden. And then I went, no, I don't need to be. Right. And I just worked right through, I mean, it was it flowed right through, you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

But it was it was wild. What a healing for you too, though. Yeah, like that that hierarchy, right? That's the same thing of giving your crown to someone. Yeah. Like your seven chakra, like, oh, they know more than me. What what am I gonna do with them? Yeah, like I get I totally get it was a blip.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yep. Like it, I went into it, I went into the sessions just like I would any other session. I was fine, but if there was a blip there that I was like, whoa, what what do you want from me?

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Oh snaps, yeah, oh snaps. I like that, yeah. I I remember um I was doing an exchange with this woman, and I love her. I think this woman is so incredible. Um I think I s when I when I saw her, she was my teacher in the past, many like 10 years ago. And in the recent years, I've done exchange with her, like trades. Um and I remember the first time I did a trade with her, I realized like, oh, I've never read her because I was always a student of the school and she was a teacher, and then like I you know, climbed uh, did all the trainings, became a teacher, and then she left the school. So we were never like in sync. Oh yeah. So when we met up, it was her first time seeing me as a peer. Oh I didn't have that picture. I didn't, I didn't think about the hierarchy or any I didn't I didn't think of it, I was like, Oh, I'm so excited. I never read her before. Oh, this is gonna be so much fun. And I remember sitting like across from her on Zoom and we're just chit-chatting first, and she's like, Okay, um, you know, Mike, do you want to read first? Do you want me to read first? And then I I read first, and I remember her saying, like, whoa, I didn't know that's how your style, because we, you know, we all learn the same thing, but you develop your own style. Of course, you apply yourself to it, yeah. And she's like, I didn't know that's how you read, and oh my god, I'm just like, what a proud moment. And I was like, This is really weird. Proud. Okay, thank you. Also, what is happening right now? And it was like, oh, she was blowing a picture that I was smaller than her or less than her, and I wasn't in that with her at all, so I wasn't even conscious of that. So her talking about it made me so uncomfortable. And I was like, Oh, whoa, that's weird. Oh, okay, that's that's not where I'm working from. But how cool that you get to see me at present time, and we get to get in present time, and now it's not a thing anymore. Now we're just totally fine. But I lost my space because I was like, whoa, oh, you saw me like kind of like, oh, you're small potatoes, like you just learned how to do this, only that it's been 15 years and I haven't stopped. Right. And she was holding on to that old dynamic, right? I had no idea, and and probably thought I was in that with her. Now, don't get me wrong, I have read with other teachers that I or mentors that I'm like, oh, and I love them. And I it takes me a minute, I'm like, oh nope, I just gotta like move some energy first. No one is more than anyone else. We're just human here, and we happen to have the same sense on and working from the same place, and we get to have this experience together. How cool! Right, let's keep it moving, you know. But going I like the event I was telling you about that everyone was giving their basically giving all their energy to this one woman to be in charge. She's the only one that can have a crown, like have all the answers. She has all the answers. And I was like, hey, psychically was communicating, like, hey, you can have all the answers for everyone here. I'm just not in agreement. I have my own answers. I support you moving along this event how you wish to, but I am not lining up to you. And this was something you said energetically, energetically, not in per not in like verbally, yeah, in energy. Right. And they did not like that. And I was like, I'm okay with you also not liking that. Like, I'm not here to be liked by you, I'm here to put do my practice and participate in this event. And it ended up ended up working out great because I read two of the people that had given her their power, and when I read them, they went to her like, oh my god, blah blah blah blah. She almost so spot on. Exactly. And then she was like, Oh, so you're real. And I'm like, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. Just, you know, this is not my first rodeo, baby. Yeah. But the female competition was the female competition was in there because she's like, Oh, you want to be in charge. I was like, just about I just want to be in charge over myself. I'm not trying to be in charge over you. I think there's enough space for me to be in charge of myself in my own energy field, and you can be in charge of your own energy field, and we don't have to compare each other to each other. Right. We can coexist and it could be actually really fun. Sure. But probably learn from each other.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

So you didn't you ended up not reading her. No. I'm just curious if people who have that, is that is it something that they have like a programmed energy that they're putting out, like a broadcasting energy that they're putting out, that they're more powerful or that they're higher than everyone, or is it the people around them just tend to be at a lower vibration or whatever and just naturally hand it over? Which where is it coming from?

SPEAKER_00 41:34

I mean, it could be both sides sides. I think both have to have responsibility over it. Okay, yeah. I don't think it's a problem. If you look at society in a corporate world, everyone gives their power to a CEO, to the vice president, and your manager or the director or the regional, right? That this is no different.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Well, in some senses, you have to, right, in that in that dynamic. But in this dynamic, she was just another person at this event. She wasn't exactly she wasn't in charge of it.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

Right. Have you ever have this is a really interesting thing. When I was an event planner, I remember my friend and I, we her and I are very similar, and I remember working with this bride and we were planning her wedding. Like, and we already know that could be wild.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Bridezilla, right?

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Right. And I remember the bride not really having that many opinions, but her maid of honor was like, this is how I want this, this is how like even down to like how which way the pictures had to be sitting on a table, facing the door, this has to face this way, this has to like very in a way like Uber control, which I I don't think that that's bad. Like, she has a vision and she wants her vision. The day of the wedding, everyone went to shit. The we had to change things last minute, the location, the DJ didn't show up, like all kinds of wild things. So my attention to which way the pictures are facing was at the bottom of the totem pole. Totally. I'm trying to get uh someone to play music before the w the bride knows that there's no DJ, you know, like all kinds of stuff. She's like panicking. So I remember thinking, like, oh, I have to take the con like I have to take the control back. Right. And I what me and my friend are doing is actually what we need to do, not what this woman is wanting, but this woman is used to leading the leading the herd, her herd. And all of a sudden, we tell her, No, you have to be in the bridal room with your friend, taking pictures, and then the whole thing falls apart. And she's like, No way. So I feel that this woman at this event was very similar. Like, I'm the one who gets the herd together and leads them, right? Uh there are animals that have one lead animal, right? Sure. It's no different with humanity that that happens. If myself, if I'm at a party, I used to be the kind of person that goes into a party and the party starts when I get. There. Right. Yeah. I don't do that anymore. No. I don't care when the party was. It was a choice to that was a choice to turn that off. Because I felt so powerful when I would do that. Now I'm like, you're like, I don't have energy for that. I don't want to hold this party, and I want the party to be going already so I can ease in and sneak out because I want to just under the radar.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

Under the radar. Well, and the the the um dynamic between the bride and the maid of honor, they they probably both entered that agreement because the bride probably wanted, she probably asked her to be the maid of honor. So that because she knew she would be very detail-oriented and take care of everything, so she didn't have to worry. Yep. I mean, exactly. And the maid of honor was like, I want to be in charge. So it was like perfect. And I was like, ma'am, today is the wedding.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

You've been in charge till this day. Today you have to be in the room. We got it. And everything was fine. There was it worked out. The only thing that wasn't like planned was the pictures weren't like tilted to the left, they were centered, tilted forward. Like, come on. Did the ceiling fall? Like, was it okay? It was totally fine. And they didn't say anything about it because it wasn't no one paid attention to the pictures on the table, you know.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

So it's just like well, she may have just been exerting her power, like showing it. And in reality, it doesn't matter which way the pictures are facing. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 45:18

But like that, when I see that, that is a woman that is running more male energy than their female energy, totally, and they're in a doing, doing, doing. And I'm like, hey, you can step into receiving, and I can just, you can just let me do it. Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

And she needed to.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

She she kind of had to, didn't have a choice. Right. And so this event that I went to, this woman, even though she was a woman, she ran. And listen, we live in a world that women have to have had to run more male energy to make men comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Yeah, to keep up and to to make other everybody else comfortable. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Like, God forbid you run your female energy, and all of a sudden you're too much.

SPEAKER_01 45:55

Well, well, yeah, I was just gonna say you're too emotional, too loud, too much. Whatever things.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

And there can be permission for you to just be. And the men don't have to match, and the women don't have to match, or you can just have your own answer. Yeah. But that is an example of like, oh, I'm in charge. You come to me, and I was like, you're in charge of the event. I'm in charge of my what I'm doing for the event. Right. I'm taking it off. You don't have to be in charge of me. You're like, I don't need any of them from you. You're welcome. No. If I could you want to be in charge of me, you should talk to my husband first. Because he'll say no. He'll be like, don't try it, man. He knows better. She'll run you, she'll run you in circles. That's great. All of a sudden you're ordering Chinese, Indian, and making dinner. Because she couldn't make a decision.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

As one does.

SPEAKER_00 46:50

Yeah. Like, can we order appetizers from here and a dessert from over there? And he's like, no, not happening. Pick one place.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

I've never thought about piecing it together.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

That actually sounds like really fun. Oh my god, it's so much fun. So if I ever am in that mood, he literally would be like, we're going to food carts. You can do whatever the hell you want in there.

SPEAKER_01 47:09

Oh, food carts are a good option for that. Sure. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

And then I literally, it's like, if I could have my way, it would be appetizers every day for dinner. Yeah. Of like five different countries. There you go. I mean, that's lovely. That sounds lovely. Okay. I think for women, one way to come back to yourself if you get caught in judging women, receiving judgment, or just simply like isolating yourself because you're afraid of competition or have been steamrolled in competition. One way I think that you can come back to yourself is to simply like bring breath in and ask yourself, what are you competing for? What are you competing for? And if the answer of that is I'm competing for love, I'm competing for attention. I'm competing. Then would you give that to yourself? And would you just be the source of what it is you're competing for? And take the power back from anyone else and give it to yourself because no one else can give you actually what you're competing for. You only can give that to yourself. Right. And you have to believe you're worthy of it. A hundred percent. And that you have it to source for yourself, not just outside. Right. The answers are all inside. So that would be one one way I would say like a loop battle to coming back to yourself. And if you don't feel comfortable in a relationship, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:38

Right. To give it space. Right. Not all relationships are meant to last forever.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Right.

SPEAKER_01 48:43

And some come in to teach a lesson. Right. Or to help with growth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 48:50

Definitely. Well, that that's a good tidbit of information to take out into the world. Yeah. Is um remembering what am I what am I doing in this situation? Like what am I looking for?

SPEAKER_00 49:03

And judging someone else is usually a lack of something you don't have access to. So if you're judging someone, even if it's a good judgment, bring it back. Why are you in judgment and access it for yourself if there's a blockage or book with one of us? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:20

We got you. We got you.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

We can help you. We can help you.

SPEAKER_01 49:24

Well, thanks for coming again, Shayla. It was great having you. And I hope you'll come back again. Um, it's always so fun to sit and chat.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I really enjoy spending time with you. Awesome.